Often when we say “I don’t know what I want,” it is actually untrue.  Often we know in our heart what we want but are too fearful to admit it because of the potential consequences. We get stuck while our mind goes over several options – again, and again, and again. 

“I don’t know what I want” sometimes means,

“There is too much at stake for me to say what I really want”, or

“I am not yet strong enough to truly embrace my choices”, or

“I cannot risk the disapproval of others because, at the moment, others opinion of me is more important than my own.”

The first step is to take a deep breath and be honest about your inner conflict.  Often our wisest voice is the quietest one.  It is easy to disregard it or overrule it with what we think we “should” do.  We need to settle ourselves in order to listen to the deeper part of ourselves that has our best interests at heart.

Put aside some quiet time for reflection and:

1. Acknowledge the inner conflict without judgement – be curious as it can help you to make informed choices.
2. Write down the conflicting statements your mind is weighing up.
3. Project ahead to the natural conclusion of each path if you were to choose that path. (Write this down too.)
4. Assess whether these consequences and outcomes are likely or unlikely to happen and whether there are ways to manage these consequences.
5. Ask yourself: What would I do if I were living in accordance with my deepest held values? What might I try if I choose not to let fear trap me? What options have I disregarded or not considered?
6. If things are still unclear seek a fresh perspective. Choose someone who is wise, impartial and has your best interests at heart.

Be brave.  Listen for your own needs.  Your needs matter too.

Photo by Sammie Vasquez on Unsplash