Have you ever found yourself thinking, “I’ll get into a relationship when I’ve figured myself out”? Or maybe someone told you, “You need to work on yourself before you can be with anyone else.”

There’s a popular myth in the world of self-development that you have to be completely “healed” before you can have a healthy relationship. It’s well-meaning advice, but it can create unrealistic expectations—and delay meaningful connection.

Here’s the truth: There is no perfect time to work on yourself. And healing doesn’t happen in isolation.

The Myth of Being Fully Healed Before Love

The idea that you need to be perfectly self-aware, emotionally regulated, or free of all past wounds before entering a relationship sets the bar impossibly high. The truth is, you’re a work in progress—and so is everyone else.

Waiting until you’re “fixed” implies that you’re broken. You’re not. You’re human. You have patterns, wounds, and blind spots—and so do the people you’ll love.

What really matters isn’t whether you’ve “finished” healing, but whether you’re willing to be responsible for your growth, communicate honestly, and show up with curiosity and compassion.

The Healing Power of Relationships

Here’s something many people overlook: Some of the deepest healing happens in relationship.

It’s one thing to journal or reflect on your attachment style. It’s another to sit across from someone you care about and notice yourself withdrawing or clinging or going silent—and to choose something different.

Relationships mirror the parts of us that still need attention. They show us where our boundaries are unclear, where our self-worth is shaky, and where our old wounds still have a voice.

But they also offer the opportunity to practice trust, vulnerability, patience, and love—in real time, with another human being.

There Is No “Right” Time

If you’re waiting for the perfect moment—when your job is less stressful, when you feel more confident, when you’ve ticked every self-help box—you might be waiting forever.

Growth doesn’t follow a calendar. And readiness isn’t always a feeling—it’s often a choice. A decision to show up, to stay curious, to try again after disappointment.

So if you’re wondering whether now is the right time to work on yourself… it is.
And if you’re wondering whether you’re “ready” for a relationship… you might be more ready than you think.

Understanding Readiness Through the Cycle of Change

In psychology, we talk about the Cycle of Change—a model that describes how people move through transformation:

1. Precontemplation: You’re not even thinking about change.
   
2. Contemplation: You’re starting to notice something needs to shift.
   
3. Preparation: You begin gathering tools and support.
   
4. Action: You take conscious steps toward change.
   
5. Maintenance: You sustain the new behaviours and patterns.
   
6. Relapse or Reassessment: You hit a setback, reflect, and begin again.
   

Wherever you are in this cycle, it’s not wrong. It’s just where you are.
Readiness isn’t about perfection—it’s about intention.

You can be in a relationship and still be learning. You can be healing while being loved. You can be honest about your limitations and still be worthy of connection.

So, When Should You Work on Yourself?

Right now. While you’re single. While you’re dating. While you’re navigating the highs and lows of love.

Working on yourself isn’t a destination—it’s a way of being. And the relationships you form—whether romantic, platonic, or professional—can be powerful catalysts for self-awareness and growth.

Reflection Questions

• Are you waiting for a perfect moment to begin working on yourself?
  
• In what ways could relationship support—not hinder—your growth?
  
• What part of the change cycle are you in right now?
  

Let’s reframe healing from something you do alone before love to something you do within love—with the support, feedback, and challenge of real connection.

You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be open.