Have you ever poured your heart out to someone, only to feel dismissed or unheard? Maybe you’ve shared a frustration, and instead of acknowledgement, you got advice you didn’t ask for. Or perhaps you’ve expressed excitement, only to be met with indifference. Moments like these can leave us feeling disconnected, even from those we love.

In fact, a lack of validation can feel even more disheartening coming from someone you love. When the people closest to us fail to acknowledge our feelings, it can create distance, resentment, and even self-doubt.

Validation is a simple yet powerful tool that can transform relationships. It’s the act of recognising and affirming someone’s feelings, thoughts, or experiences—whether or not you agree with them. Agreement isn’t necessary; validation is simply about showing that you understand. When done well, it deepens connection, fosters trust, and helps us feel truly seen.

 

Why Validation Matters in Relationships

At our core, we all want to feel understood. Validation meets this fundamental need by sending the message: I see you. I hear you. What you feel matters. In relationships, this can:

• Reduce Conflict – Many arguments escalate because one or both people feel unheard. When we validate each other, defensiveness drops, making it easier to resolve issues.
• Strengthen Emotional Intimacy – Feeling accepted creates a safe space for vulnerability, allowing partners, friends, and family members to open up without fear of judgment.
• Improve Communication – When people feel validated, they’re more likely to listen in return, leading to healthier and more balanced conversations.

 

What Validation Sounds Like

Validation isn’t about agreeing with everything someone says. It’s about acknowledging their perspective as real and valid to them. Here are a few ways to do that:

✅ “That sounds really frustrating. I can see why you’d feel that way.”
✅ “It makes sense that you’re feeling overwhelmed. That’s a lot to deal with.”
✅ “I hear you. That must have been really tough.”

These simple phrases signal empathy and acceptance, making the other person feel valued and understood.

 

The Mistakes We Often Make

Without realising it, we sometimes invalidate others’ experiences. Here’s how:

❌ Jumping to Fix It – “You should just do this instead.” (Sometimes, people just want to be heard, not given solutions.)
❌ Minimising Feelings – “It’s not that bad, don’t overthink it.” (Even if it seems small to you, it might not feel that way to them.)
❌ Comparing Experiences – “You think that’s hard? Let me tell you about my day.” (This can unintentionally shift the focus away from them.)

These responses, while often well-intentioned, can make someone feel dismissed rather than supported.

 

How to Practise Validation in Everyday Life

1. Listen First, Respond Second – Before offering advice or your own perspective, pause and acknowledge what the other person is feeling.

2. Reflect What You Hear – Repeat or summarise their words to show you’re listening: “It sounds like you’re feeling really stressed about that deadline.

3. Accept Their Emotions Without Judgement – Even if you wouldn’t feel the same way, respect their reality.

Validation isn’t about fixing, agreeing, or controlling—it’s about recognising. And when we do that for others, we create stronger, more connected relationships.

 

Could validation be the missing key in your relationships?

The next time someone shares something with you, try focusing on validation before anything else. You might be surprised at the difference it makes.

Have you noticed the impact of validation in your own relationships? Share your experiences in the comments.