Relationships can be so challenging that it’s often hard to know whether to stay or leave. So, how do you decide whether to stay in a relationship? When faced with this decision, the internal conflict can feel overwhelming. Emotional investment pulls you in one direction, hoping things will improve, while another part of you wants to cut your losses and move on.

If this sounds familiar, you’re likely feeling stuck—constantly swaying between the two options based on the current state of the relationship. Moments of warmth make you want to stay, but disconnection or conflict fuels the desire to leave. This mental back-and-forth can be so intense that it feels like you’re losing clarity, or even your sanity.

Conflict is hard enough with another person, let alone inside your own mind. Most of us will do anything to avoid such discomfort, distracting ourselves in the process. You might turn to comfort eating, excessive drinking, social media, binge-watching, or overworking just to avoid making a decision. But these distractions are temporary, and eventually, you have to face the conflict head-on.
There is wisdom in your internal struggle, but only if you’re willing to sit with the discomfort and explore both options more deeply. If you allow yourself to fully explore both sides without judgement or favour, you will discover a pathway forward.

When to Stay

Staying in a relationship can be worthwhile when it fosters mutual growth, respect, and affection, even if there are challenges. Working through difficult times together can strengthen the bond, especially when both parties are committed to making improvements.

Consider staying when:

• There is mutual effort to resolve issues – If both partners are willing to communicate openly and work on the relationship, there’s potential for growth.
• You feel safe and respected – If your partner respects your boundaries and creates a safe emotional space for you, it’s a good sign of a healthy foundation.
• You can see progress, even if slow – Positive change may not happen overnight, but if you notice small, consistent efforts to improve, it could be worth staying.
• The connection still brings joy – Despite ups and downs, the relationship still provides moments of joy, intimacy, and companionship.
• There is a shared vision for the future – If both of you still see a future together and have aligned values or goals, it’s a strong reason to stay invested.

When to Leave

However, there are times when leaving is the healthiest option, especially if the relationship consistently causes pain, confusion, or distress. It’s essential to prioritise your well-being when the relationship becomes more harmful than fulfilling.

It may be time to leave when:

• You experience repeated emotional or physical harm – If the relationship involves ongoing abuse, neglect, or manipulation, leaving is crucial for your safety.
• Efforts to improve are one-sided – If you’re the only one trying to fix things, the imbalance can lead to burnout and resentment.
• You’ve lost yourself in the relationship – If the relationship has caused you to lose touch with your own identity, passions, or well-being, it may be time to move on.
• The issues are chronic and unresolved – When the same arguments, misunderstandings, or hurt feelings persist with no resolution in sight, it’s a sign that things may not improve.
• Your needs are consistently unmet – If your emotional, mental, or physical needs are regularly ignored or dismissed, leaving is a step toward finding a healthier connection.

Sitting with the discomfort of this decision can be tough, but it’s in that discomfort where you’ll find your answer. Both staying and leaving come with their own challenges, but by carefully reflecting on your core values, desires, and the reality of the relationship, you can make a decision that aligns with your long-term well-being. You don’t have to make the decision on your own. Seek impartial emotional support and wise counsel from those around you. Or you may prefer to seek professional help. Counselling provides an impartial perspective, emotional support and coping strategies – so you can stay or leave with a clear pathway forward.