We all need to be held. It is a universal need that is both literal and metaphorical. We all hope for someone to have our back, to always be there for us no matter what. Our bodies are wired to relax and let go in the safety of a loving embrace. If, for whatever reason, that is unfamiliar or rare in your life it is a natural response to feel uncomfortable or to avoid hugs. Yet a small part of you will yearn for it. That part knows the healing power of being held.

The Universal Need to Be Held

From the moment we are born, touch becomes one of the most essential ways we connect with others. Babies are soothed by being cradled, children run into their parents’ arms for comfort, and adults lean into embraces when words fall short. A hug is more than just a gesture—it’s a universal language of care, reassurance, and belonging.

In a world where so much of our communication has become digital, the simple act of being held reminds us of our humanity. It says: I see you, I’m here with you, you are not alone.

What Happens in the Body When We Hug

Hugs are not only emotionally comforting—they trigger powerful changes in the body. When we hug:

• Oxytocin (the “bonding hormone”) is released, helping us feel safe and connected.
  
• Cortisol levels (the stress hormone) decrease, lowering feelings of anxiety and tension.
  
• Heart rate and blood pressure stabilise, creating a calming effect.
  
• Our nervous system shifts from “fight or flight” into “rest and digest,” making us feel more grounded.
  

Research shows that even a 20-second hug can improve wellbeing, boost immunity, and foster resilience in relationships.

How to Give Good Hugs

A good hug is less about technique and more about intention. The most healing hugs are given when we slow down, stay present, and let the embrace last long enough for both people to feel the connection.

Some simple tips:

• Be fully present. Put down your phone, take a breath, and give the person your undivided attention.
  
• Match the energy. Notice if the other person needs a gentle, soothing hug or a strong, grounding one.
  
• Hold, don’t rush. Let the hug linger for a few extra seconds—it’s often in that pause that the healing happens.
  
  
  

How to Allow Yourself to be Hugged

Just as important as giving a hug is learning how to receive one. Many of us unconsciously tense, pull away, or stay half-in the moment. To be hugged well means softening into the embrace, allowing yourself to lean in and feel supported.

You might try:

• Taking a deep breath as you enter the hug to help your body relax.
  
• Letting go of self-consciousness—it’s not about how you look, it’s about how you feel.
  
• Receiving without apology—allowing yourself to be comforted is an act of self-care, not weakness.
  

At its core, a hug is one of the simplest yet most profound ways we can say, you matter to me. Whether you’re giving or receiving, never underestimate the quiet, healing power of an embrace.