Relationships are hard.  We come into them with a lifetime of emotional baggage and often unhelpful relational habits and conflict styles.  Sometimes we are unaware of how damaging our patterns may be to relationships or, we know but feel helpless to stop it.  It is a common human biological response to become flooded with emotion during conflict.  This flooding compels us to act in ways which, left unaddressed, will damage the relationship.  In addition, our expectations about how relationships should be and the roles we play within them can be contradictory and difficult to navigate.  To move towards healthy, successful relationships it’s important to know what is not healthy.

Here’s the top 25 issues which damage relationships

• Not treating each other warmly and lovingly
• Not dedicating enough time to the relationship
• Not being on the same page about the relationship vision and goals
• Not communicating adequately
• Not protecting each other and the relationship during arguments
• Not repairing the relationship after a fight
• Going over old arguments
• Threats to end the relationship
• Submitting the other person to moodiness without explanation
• Withdrawing from the other partner
• Blaming the other partner for problems
• Criticising the other partner
• Speaking of the other partner (either publicly or privately) with disrespect, mockery, or disdain
• Siding with a family member against the other partner
• Not reciprocating when the other partner tries to connect
• Overriding the needs of the other partner
• Making decisions that are not mutual
• Getting emotional needs met outside the relationship at the expense of the relationship
• Not taking the time for sexual connection
• Getting sexual needs met outside the relationship without consent
• Persistent and repetitive parenting issues
• Persistent and repetitive financial issues
• Inequality of chores and mental load
• Excessive control of one partner over the other
• Anything which harms or makes the other partner feel unsafe

Thankfully, better connection, emotional regulation, communication, and conflict resolution is available to all of us.  Relationship issues have a skill and knowledge-based component which, like any other learning, can be developed over time.  If you are prepared to work at it, you can create secure, healthy, loving relationships.  So how do your relationships stack up?